If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
