we're blogging at a bar
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
