I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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