I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
