I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
