His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
