come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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