You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
