I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
