i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
