I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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