The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A bitchslap is in order.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
