I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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