party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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