my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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