i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
