I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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