im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
