yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
