the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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