I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
