bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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