i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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