So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
