Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize