Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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