I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
