I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
