took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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