Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
