HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
