You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
