im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
