Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
