Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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