I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
