I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
