I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
