im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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