how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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