he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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