as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
