He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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