Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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