our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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