So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
