I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
