Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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