i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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