He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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