why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
