on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize