Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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