I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
