I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
