I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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