The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
