it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
