Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is wine microwaveable?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
