walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize