peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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