I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
