I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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