i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize