Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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