I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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