Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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