hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
