I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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