This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
