a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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