Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
