so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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