So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize