I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
