This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
