He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
