the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
