bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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