Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize