I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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