Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
