My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
