nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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