Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
