Buhtt sex?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
