just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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