I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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