So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
