You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's get the cat blown out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
