Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
