my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
