Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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