This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
