The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize