And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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