Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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