Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
