Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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