I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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