Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
