grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
