You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize