How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
