She said her name was "party"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Text me some of your sweat
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