I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize